Real to Me
by QFiction
Summary: Makoto has always believed in Haru, and nothing the counselors say will convince him not to. [Mermaid!AU, MakoHaru, warnings inside.]


**CW: Major character death.**

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><p>"Haru?" Makoto whispers, his voice cracking ever so slightly.<p>

"Hm?"

"I'm scared."

"Hm."

He's ten years old, holding onto Haru's hand in the sand, watching his best friend's blue scales splash softly in the shallow tide. The sun is setting on the ocean, but for once Makoto doesn't notice how beautiful it is. He just hold on, really tight.

"My parents don't know where I am."

"Ah. You're safe here. Until they come find you."

Makoto can feel that Haru isn't looking at him. They're both staring somewhere beyond the horizon. They're both okay with that. Haru doesn't like eye contact much, and Makoto doesn't like to be seen crying.

"How long are they going to fight?"

"Not long. They're just stressed because of the twins."

"Then why yell at each other?" This time, the crack in his voice is more audible, and he uses his free hand to wipe a stray tear.

"Adults are weird." Haru says simply, holding Makoto a little tighter.

Then they're done talking, each escaping to a world within their own head. Makoto vaguely realizes that that world for Haru is only a few feet away in front of them, in the ocean. And yet, here he is, with Makoto. It makes Makoto return to himself, because this is the only place he wants to be.

Makoto cries when his parents find him, their voices now hushed and apologetic. It's not for the reason they think. They offer to make it up to him tomorrow, and he says he wants to go back to the ocean.

The next day they come, making a whole family day of it. Mama says she'll pay the teenager who lives next door to come with and help them watch the twins if Makoto wants, so they'll both have more time for Makoto, but he shakes his head quickly. He doesn't want so much spotlight.

As soon as the water is in sight he runs ahead, straight into the water. Haru appears quickly beside him, a faint smile on this lips and a shimmer in cerulean eyes. Wordlessly, he swims ahead a meter or two, into water deep enough for a couple of cute little flips designed to impress. Makoto claps, though it's silenced by the seawater.

When they come back for air, Makoto is still close enough to hear his parents talking. Polite comments on how he wasn't afraid of water anymore, how they thought he'd be traumatized forever. They could be so silly. He didn't remember any trauma. How could he be afraid of the ocean with Haru there to protect him? With a mermaid by your side, all of the scary ocean creatures stay away. And besides, Haru is fun. It would be worth being a little scared to be able to swim with his best friend.

Makoto doesn't spend much of his family day with his family, exactly. He gets to see them every day, but he can never get enough of his mysterious Haruka. He's invited Haru over before, but he always says he lives in the ocean and isn't allowed to leave. Makoto accepts this for what it is and goes on to dive straight back in the water.

Makoto hugs Haru warmly before he leaves, and Haru nearly smiles before turning back and splashing away.

"What's wrong, Makoto?"

"My teacher said my story wasn't realistic fiction because it had a mermaid in it."

"You wrote about a mermaid?"

Makoto takes a moment to smile. "I love mermaids."

Haru looks away, a bit pink around the ears. "Ah." He doesn't have an answer for Makoto.

"Haru, you're real."

It's not a question, but Haru answers it anyway. "Yes. I am." He flops his tail around as proof.

"But no one believes in me."

"I guess not."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"Why would I want to interact with people who can't find it in themselves to believe in mermaids? You believe in me, what more do I need?"

Makoto hums. Haru rarely seems bothered by things. He's only troubled when something is troubling Makoto. Other than that, he'll just swim in silent content or comment on how much he loves the water. It's the thing he loves most, Makoto knows. Makoto's become a really good swimmer because of it, though he doesn't swim like Haru. No one can swim like a mermaid.

"Haru? Do you have a family?" Makoto doesn't even know he's going to ask it before he does.

"I have Makoto."

"What about parents?"

"No."

"Where did you come from?"

"I don't remember. I just exist. I'm happy."

"Do you eat?"

"Of course. I like mackerel." Makoto is eleven already and has never heard of anyone who eats only mackerel, but Haru always seems happy with it.

"And you can never leave the ocean, can you?"

"Why would someone leave the ocean? The ocean is perfect."

"And you're completely content? Just with mackerel and swimming and me and that's it?"

Haru thinks a moment, and then looks at Makoto directly, eyes shining brightly blue.

"Yes."

Makoto sighs. His Haru is weird. But as long as he's happy, Makoto's happy.

He's thirteen years old and it looks like rain and he's supposed to be at a friend's house but he goes to the ocean anyway. He goes to the ocean and sits by as the sea mist is blown straight into his face because he needs Haru, he needs him he needs him he needs him now. When you're a thirteen year old boy, some things are scarier than the ocean.

"Haru! Haruka Haruka Haruka!" He shouts, and he might be having a panic attack because he can barely breathe at all where is Haru.

There he is, swishing up to Makoto's feet and gazing up at him worriedly.

A wave of sudden comfort crashes over Makoto just as waves crash down on the troubled sea so very close by. He doesn't feel good but he feels better as he collapses into the tide under his own panicked exhaustion, Haru catching him carefully.

"What's wrong?" Haru asks quickly, concern making his face uncharacteristically expressive.

"I'm just overreacting and panicking because a girl just kissed me and her brother is way cuter than her and I think I'm gay." He blushes and climbs out of Haru's hold, sitting up to his hips in blue and green.

"Okay," Haru intones, looking confused. "So?" It begins to rain.

"So… I'm panicking. Overreacting."

"Ah, okay." Haru takes his hand, just like he always has, and Makoto blushes harder. There's a pause, and then, "Well, let's see," and Haru is very close and then they're touching lips to lips and _oh my god I'm kissing Haru._

Haru pulls away just as simply. "So?"

"Uh, so what?"

"So, are you gay?"

Makoto drops his head, ears burning, and nods swiftly.

"Okay, me too. Can we swim now?"

They return to their friendship, just like that, and Makoto is perpetually grateful for the way Haru makes his life simple and enjoyable again.

Makoto had to get out of that house. He had to get away from the expectations and the suspicion and the murmuring and he loves his parents but he knows they were talking about him. He just knows it. _"Something's not right," _they say. _"He's not normal," _they say. _"I really thought he would grow out of it… I don't know what to do now," _they say, they _always _say when they think he can't hear them properly.

But so what if he doesn't have many friends? He doesn't need many. He only needs one and one he has and that friend lives down in the ocean and there's nothing they can do about it because this is Makoto's life and dammit, he's going to live it right by Haru's side if that's what he chooses.

He sits by the waves now, looking out over the blue horizon, definitely not crying as he definitely isn't questioning his own sanity.

"Hello, Makoto." There's a certain feeling one gets in the pit of their stomach when contacted by someone who is a sort of nicotine. Someone they can't stay away from and really don't want to even if some part of them says they should because that someone is perfectly good but probably stands for something perfectly bad. It's a feeling that captures words before they can leave the throat and fogs the mind so that Makoto just waves weakly and marches into the water to hug Haru.

He's safe with Haru and Haru is here, Haru is real. Haru is real despite the photo taken a week ago of Makoto resting his hand on absolutely nothing. He is seventeen years old and he knows when something is real in his arms and Haru is real indeed.

"I can't live like this anymore." It's the following week. He's getting worse fast. Hair thinner from all the time he's run his hands through it, heels blistering from pacing back and forth on hot cement. The counselor's questions echoed through his head, his parents' story even worse so. His footprints get quickly washed away and he doesn't even get to call out Haru's name before he approaches, looking as content as ever in his watery world and impossible state of existence. "I just can't live like this anymore," Makoto repeats.

"Hm?"

"You aren't real!" Makoto shouts, balling his fists in his hair and turning to look Haru in his shining blue eyes.

"Of course I am," Haru says, looking down at his muscular body, as if to check. It does, in fact, appear to be there.

"No," Makoto says loudly, voice cracking.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No! Haru! You're not! Not anymore! You are a delusion I created, Nanase Haruka. Look at this!" He pulls out the old folded newspaper clipping his parents had held onto, having spent all these years fearing for Makoto's mental health.

Tragedy in the Tide, reads the headline. "It says you're dead. You died when I was very young, you were my best friend and you drowned and it made me terrified of the ocean so you're a delusion to make me feel safe…" Makoto keeps mouthing words with chapped lips, but no sound comes out anymore as he falls to his knees, head in his hands.

Haru looks over at the fallen slip of paper, making sure not to touch and wet it. Stares, incredulous. "Huh."

"Huh!? All you have to say is huh?!"

"Makoto, calm down."

"How am I supposed to calm down when I'm being told the person I care about most isn't real? You've been my friend my whole life! I can't lose you like this!"

"Makoto!" He's never heard Haru raise his voice like that. It's too firm for Haru, easygoing like the ocean. Makoto looks at him, terrified of everything. "Take out your cellphone."

"Why would I-"

"Take it out." Makoto takes a moment and wipes at his red face but out it comes. "Now take a picture of me."

It's a lovely picture, really. The sun is just beginning to set, causing the sand to dimly glow golden rod, and peach from the sky reflects across the water. It's a perfect landscape, but it couldn't be more ugly to Makoto. The throws his phone into the sand for Haru to see.

"Huh. I'm not real-" Makoto cries out in a physical sounding pain "-to the rest of the world. But I am real to you, and that's what matters, right? What does it matter?"

"It matters because… It just matters. This makes me insane, Haru! Completely insane and you dead and how are we just supposed to live with that?"

"We could swim."

The comment would have been aggravating to anyone, but it only drags Makoto out of his hysteria. "We could swim," he repeats, and then, "you're real. You're real, you're real, I know you are." Deftly, the news clipping and phone are tossed away from the swelling tide, and Makoto climbs once again into the ocean. Sits next deep, letting the waves lap at his chin. Just stares until Haru comes up next to him and places his hand on the other's traditionally.

"What are you going to do?"

"You're right, Haru. I'm going to swim. I don't want to live in a world without you, so I just… won't. He turns to stare at Haru, decision in his eyes. "You mean more to me than anyone, Haru. You always have been my whole world. Ever since we were kids, you were always the once I wanted to see each day, always my reason for being."

"I love Makoto," Haru says simply in response, resting his head on Makoto's tanned shoulder. Makoto doesn't know what sense he means, doesn't care, because no matter what, he feels the same. He loves Haru more than anything, and that hasn't changed for as long as he can remember.

"I love Haruka," he breathes. For once, he's the one who rises out of the embrace first. He stands walks further, trudging through the heavy water until it's deep enough to swim. Throws his head under, returns up shaking water from his hair. Haru appears, takes his hand, and they swim, just like they always did when they were young. They swim away Makoto's troubles, swim away the noise and the chaos until everything becomes very clear.

And Haru is everything. That's all there is to it, Haru is everything. He wants doesn't want to stop believing in, stop being with Haru. Not now, not ever. Life wouldn't life without him. Why live at all without him?

It's so peaceful and calm and fulfilling under the surface, hand and hand with the mermaid who washes away all fears and insecurities. He wishes it would last forever. So peaceful he doesn't notice the tightness in his chest. So peaceful he doesn't feel himself jerking about, too consumed in the heavenly high.

Although he didn't plan it, Makoto isn't upset when he realizes that he's forgotten to breathe. His eyesight is fading, so with his final moment, he looks at Haru's glowing eyes and gentle smile.


End file.
